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bad baby

Poor Slinky can no longer find respite from a harsh world filled with food and sleeping opportunities by draping himself over my belly. The bairn finds this pressure irresistible and has taken to giving Slinky a good kicking, to move him away. The cat has the most curious look on his face during this assault, almost as if he cannot quite believe what is happening.

Anyway, I'm not sure whether I should believe what I saw happening in front of my eyes on one of those Discovery Channel birth story things today. Let me just tell you it was a vile business and I turned away in disgust. I don't know how other women do it, but when it's my time for the bairn to be born, I fully expect a stork to appear and magic him out of my belly, wrap him in a blanket and deliver him to a gooseberry bush of my choosing. It's the only civilised way to do these things and I shall suggest to the Discovery Channel that they may wish to present this as the real story of how babies come into the world. It really is true, it has to be, there's no way back!

mrs mcmuffin on 21 Sep 2005 @ 11:16 PM ✲ Permalink

Comments

I've been out of the loop! When is baby due?

Posted by: Norah Nick | 21 Sep 2005 23:47:13

If the cat thinks things are bad now... he'll be packing his bags in a few months.

Posted by: Colin | 22 Sep 2005 18:07:23

Norah: January 15th

Colin: We live in hope.

Posted by: mrs mcmuffin | 22 Sep 2005 18:30:18

There is a reason that women are pregnant for nine months and that is because by then, you'll do anything to get that child out. It's a good plan because he'll be ready then too.

Posted by: Karan | 23 Sep 2005 15:21:53

All the drugs socialist medicine will buy you! And more! It's all about modern medicine.

Posted by: American Jo | 24 Sep 2005 00:18:01

Yay! I will share a birthday month with your baby then. I'm January 31. :-)

Posted by: Norah | 26 Sep 2005 07:08:26

Looking ahead... http://ipodmybaby.com/

Posted by: Nagl | 29 Sep 2005 17:51:14

I have to laugh at this. As a mother myself (and I did it natural and without drugs--hurray for my coach, who had assisted at 100 other births before she helped me!), I will say that the entire time I was pregnant, I dreaded labor and delivery. I kept saying that surely there had to be a better way to get that baby out (and no, C-sections are *not* a better way--that involves needles and knives, to which I say, "No thank you!").

However, doing it naturally, though tough, was also incredibly cool. I was in a different state of consciousness, that's for sure (and no, I don't mean drugs--I don't do drugs of any kind, including aspirin, and I also know that any drugs you take when in labor go to the baby too, so for both reasons, I turned down their offers of meds). I was very focused on what was going on, but definitely not in a normal state of consciousness.

By the way, there was no screaming or writhing in agony as is portrayed so often in movies. I chalk a lot of that up to my coach, who could tell when I was about to lose it and helped keep me focused on my breathing, especially when I went into transition.

On the topic of coaching, I cannot recommend getting a birth coach highly enough. And no, I don't think that, if you have a partner and you both take a class, either of you will learn enough for your partner to be an effective birth coach. That's just the plain facts. You have to have gone through the experience on both sides, both giving birth and coaching others, to be an effective coach. So if at all possible, arrange for your natural childbirth class teacher to be your coach, if you trust and like her (or him) enough (and assuming you take such a class, which I recommend).

Afterward, holding my daughter in my arms for the first time, I felt wonderful, triumphant, successful, like I had done the hardest thing in my life and had done it well. And my life was never the same again.

Also, unlike some parents, I have never for one moment regretted having my daughter, even though it was tough and scary being a single mom from the get-go. And now she's 19 and a treasure still.

So congratulations!

Posted by: Marina | 30 Sep 2005 08:33:05

Thanks for the suggestions and it is great to hear that it is possible to be drug free and ok (although part of me is quite unwilling to abandon the idea of stacks of drugs!). Of course I have no idea how things are going to go, but I hope I'll find it manageable like Marina, my Mum and my sister did, although I suspect I'll be screaming for a general anaethetic before I've even had a contraction.

Posted by: mrs mcmuffin | 2 Oct 2005 21:48:46

This very GOOD idea... IMHO :)

Posted by: Texcel | 8 May 2006 08:36:06

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